10 Ways to Alienate Your Audience Without Saying a Word!
1. Look for the most dimly-lit spot on the stage or in the room and stand in it throughout the presentation. Having your back to strong light from a window is also a great one – turns you into a mysterious silhouette and dazzles your audience at the same time.
2. Make sure the room is hot. Then people at the back can have a nice kip while you’re talking.
3. Stand on one leg, or with one leg crossed right over the other (especially effective for women in long skirts – makes you look as if you've got your feet on the wrong way round.)
4. Keep one hand in a pocket. Every so often, jingle some change (works for women too – though gentlemen, remember when you've no loose change to play with you have a major advantage here: you can always take the opportunity for a quick rearrangement of some intimate furniture. It'll keep a smile on your face – if no-one else's.)
5. Accompany your presentation throughout with a slow barn dance. (And forward on the right, cross over with the left, step backwards on the right, and-a sideways with the left. And dozey doh, repeat….)
6. If you’re tall, try the 'ship at sea': swaying gently from side to side as you speak is riveting to watch. Rather like a metronome. (Remember to supply discreet little bags for seasickness. Yours or anyone else's.)
7. Wagging one finger will make everything you say emphatic. (AND. WHEN. IN. DOUBT. EMPHASISE. EVERYTHING.) Repeating the same gesture throughout your speech will prove to us how hard you've worked to look authoritative.
8. No-one is paying you to speak from the heart, so whenever you use your hands, keep your elbows pinned to your sides and shoulders tense. This will successfully disconnect your gestures from your torso, rather like that party game where someone hides behind you with their arms through your sleeves and makes your gestures for you. (If people think it also makes you look a bit like a distressed penguin, they're just being cruel. To penguins.)
9. Try never to look at the audience. If you must take your eyes off your notes or the screen, make sure it's only ever to look at one person in the front row (probably the one who's laughing at your jokes).
10. If you have a Q&A session after the presentation, make sure you take at least one pace backwards every time someone asks you a question you can't really answer. (Then, obviously, answer the question you wish you had been asked.)
---------------------------------------------------------------- On the other hand…
if you are truly not guilty of any of the above,
the chances are you're better
at engaging an audience than you think.
But then again, if you could do with
a few more positive tips and techniques than these,
why not seek help
from a professional presentation skills coach?
This being the season of pantomime, Part 2 of Play4Real's handy 'how NOT to' tips focus on what your presentation is DOING rather than what your words alone are SAYING.
What we SEE as an audience has a lot more impact than what we HEAR – and something you’re unaware of that's going on "Behind you!" (or anywhere else in the room) could be telling a very different story from the one you had in mind...
Read on to find out if there's anything you recognise. You may be surprised to discover that the words are often not the most memorable part of a presentation (ohhhh no they’re not).
And if you find anything that jingles bells, remember that Play4Real is here to help. Get in touch, and I'll be happy to chat about exactly how we can make sure your audience stays with you all the way.
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